It started out as a feeling
by fuckingkitty15
Summary: So my old account is screwed up (hawkeyelover15) this is my new one, and my new attempt at HM fanfiction. enjoy.


_**It started out as a feeling.**_

_A/N I haven't done this in a while, thought I would give it another shot. I have new inspirations to do this. Hope you like it._

_Chapter 1 – midnight madness_

It's been a month since the war had ended, everyone has returned home and been reunited with their families even Klinger and soon-li. They found her parent's a week later in a refugee camp, they are currently staying in a hotel In Seoul and soon will be sent to America to join them.

B.J has been a devoted father to Erin, nothing stood between him and his little girl. It took Erin a while to get used to her father but when she did the two were inseparable. Colonel Potter returned home to Mildred, he retired and is now just an old country doctor being Mrs. Potter's Mr. Potter.

Winchester settled back in nicely, never bothered to call anyone but everyone assumed the best. Father Mulcahy's hearing had been somewhat restored, enough for him to return to work but not enough to hear without issues.

As for Margaret, no one knew her where about but they continued the search.

And for Hawkeye, he is living in crab-apple cove with his father and is taking a few months rest. He spent most of his time at the beach below the cliff his house sat on. He thought about his friends, he talked to B.J and colonel potter almost every day.

About 3 times every week since his return home he would receive a strange phone call. The person would call, and then hang up as soon as he answered. He got used to it and somewhat looked forward to it hoping that someday this mysterious person would actually talk. He mostly thought about Margaret, and how much he regrets not telling her his feelings. It was just not the right time for him. But he has his heart set on finding her, and making it right this time.

Margaret was set up in an apartment in Washington, in the process of ending her military career. She gave up on the army, it just wasn't what she wanted anymore. She never spoke to anybody, she had the numbers of everybody. She only ever attempted to dial one number. A few times a week, she just couldn't get up the courage to talk she would just hang up. Oh how stupid she felt, letting her walls close in on her again.

She would sometimes have her sister spend the night with her, she couldn't handle the nightmares alone and sometimes it was just nice to have someone there. She missed the company she got used to having 24/7. She felt so low, she felt as if she was breaking. She never actually told her sister or anybody much about the 4077 and the people she got close with. It was her own private world, locked up from anyone outside that "different world."

Her sister would always poke and prod her to talk about it but mostly she refused. She was afraid to cry, she became stronger in some ways while in Korea, but weaker in others. She didn't want to show her sister just how much Korea changed her and affected her.

She was sitting at her kitchen table, drinking coffee mixed with scotch. It was midnight and she was waiting for her sister to come stay with her. She had woke up frantically screaming, the dream seamed so real and was so heartbreaking. She was afraid to be alone, it was probably one of the worst nightmares yet. She had called her sister and she couldn't turn Margaret down. She sounded so scared.

Her sister walked straight into the dark apartment, she knew not to knock as it frightened Margaret. Her fear of loud noises became so bad during the war that the simplest noises scared her. She got used to wandering around the apartment in the dark. She came across Margaret sitting in the kitchen looking so tired and ragged, there had to be something else bothering her. the single dimly lit light hit her face at such an angle that made Margaret look almost robotic. She just stared at nothing and drank her coffee/scotch.

'_Hey Margaret, you want to talk about it?'_ Elizabeth asked, Margaret looked worse than the last time she seen her.

'_No, I don't Liz.' _

'_Come on Margaret, I see that there's something else bothering you besides a nightmare, what is it? Don't keep it in'_ she prodded sitting down across from her. She grabbed Margaret's free hand and gave it a quick squeeze _'it's ok to talk about it, in fact you will probably feel better,'_

'_You don't listen very well, I don't want to talk about it!'_ Margaret had screamed at her sister. '_I'm sorry Elizabeth'_ her sister smiled, _'it's alright Margaret'_

'_Do you really want to know what's wrong?' _Margaret asked. '_Of course I do' she_ pulled her chair around to sit next to her. '_Please tell me, maybe I can help'_

Margaret lifted her head up to take another sip of her of drink, she took a deep breath before unavailing one of her biggest secrets.

'_You see Liz, those people meant a lot to me. They changed me, my life, they showed me how to open up and let loose.'_

'_I don't understand, what's the problem?' _

'_There was this one doctor, ohm captain pierce_.' Margaret tried to act like she couldn't remember the name. That backfired.

'_OH that Hawkeye fellow, you mentioned him a number of times in your letters. You were never clear on what your relationship with him was. At first you would complain about him and talk about how much you hated him and his disrespect for the army. If I recall back to your last letter, you told me you would miss him the most when you came home and would spend many sleepless nights just thinking of him'_

Margaret sighed, '_I never fully understood us either'_

'_Oo now it's an us?' _Elizabeth wiggled her eyebrows

'_Liz!'_ Margaret hissed at her.

'_Sorry'_

'_Oh Liz I just don't get it either, we were pretty close, closer than anybody else' _Margaret looked away remembering that night in the hut '_he got right to the very root of me, I told him things I never would dare tell anyone not even you. He was my best friend, my rock, I depended on him, and if he was sad or hurt then I was to. When he was locked up in the nut house I spent 3 days straight in my tent …crying. He was so strong' a tear or two rolled down her cheek. 'I don't understand how the bravest man I ever knew could just fall apart like that. Liz I miss him, and I need him but I am afraid'_

'_Afraid of what?'_

'_Honestly …him. Not so much him I guess, when he returned back to camp he was so distant. He was hurting really bad, it was evident. I care for him so much I-I just'_ she trailed off, she couldn't finish her sentence.

'_You're afraid of your feelings for him aren't you? Tell me something, do you love him?_

'_Elizabeth please'_ she looked away from her sister.

'_Margaret! Do you?'_

She sighed '_I-I don't know'_

'_You can tell me, I am pretty sure I know the answer though'_ Liz smiled and pushed Margaret playfully '_come on tell me' _Margaret smiled a little.

'_Yes, yes I love him'_ she looked down at her mug and played with the handle '_very much'_ she whispered to herself.

'_So what's the problem? Are you afraid of telling him or the answer?'_ her sister asked still confused.

'_I told you how our first CO was killed on his way home, well I dreamt that something similar happened. Just to Hawkeye, it was on our way home when the war ended. I got the message through a letter in the mail from colonel potter requesting my presence at a funeral for one of the doctors. It felt as if I had been stabbed a million times in the heart. I didn't know who it was, I of course went and when I got there I saw him just laying there in the casket. I cried and through myself on his lifeless form, I was dragged away by Major Winchester and Hunicutt. I was so shocked and so heart broken. I never want to actually feel that pain. It was torcher'_

'_Oh Margaret'_ Elizabeth stood up to hug a sobbing Margaret '_its ok'_ she whispered in her ear _'it wasn't real'_

'_It doesn't make it hurt any less, just the thought of it…'_

'_Call him' _

'_What! No way, it's the middle of the night._' Margaret was a little surprised she would mention calling him.

'_Oh come on, what difference would it make when you call him'_

'_There is plenty of differences in calling now or later'_

'_Either you call him or I will do it myself'_

'_Alright, fine. Hand me that brown book over there'_ she pointed to the coffee table to her right. Elizabeth grabbed the book and opened it, she was surprised to find a bunch of photos organized matching the contact on each page. The first 3 pages were of Hawkeye. She walked back over to her sister, she put the open book on the table in front of her and asked '_is that him?'_ she pointed to a picture of Hawkeye and B.J dressed up on Halloween.

'_Yea and that's Captain Hunicutt beside him.'_

'_You weren't lying in your letters he does have beautiful_ eyes' she winked at Margaret.

Margaret dialed the number she memorised very hesitantly. She didn't expect an answer, but when a very familiar irritated voice said _Hello_, Margaret froze.

It was 12:31 and Hawkeye was wide awake sitting on the couch in the living room when the phone rang in the office upstairs. He thought to himself who the hell would be calling at this hour, he ignored the first few rings but it was starting to annoy him so he ran up the stairs to answer it.

'Hello?' he said that bit harshly.

Margaret was about to hang up when her sister tried to grab the phone from her. Margaret pulled away, and put the phone to her other ear.

'_Just talk'_ her sister mouthed to her.

'_Hello! If this is some kind of joke I am going to be very mad'_

'_Ohm hi Hawkeye'_ his heart skipped a couple beats.

'_Margaret? Is that_ you' why would she be calling him, especially at this time of night.

'_Yes Hawkeye, it's me'_

'_Oh Margaret! I can't tell you how great it is to hear your voice'_

'_You to hawk'_ She felt better already.

'_So what do I owe the pleasure of this late phone call?_' he said playfully, there was no answer.

'_Margaret, you still there?_' he heard someone sniffle '_Margaret are you ok_!' he got really nervous.

'_I am ok, I just…it's such a relief to hear your talk'_

'_Why is that, what's wrong?_' he was getting really antsy, he knew something was up.

'_Hawkeye'_

'_Yeah'_

'_I miss you…'_ he smiled. _'I miss you to Margaret, so you are my mystery caller huh'_

Margaret laughed_ 'how are you hawk…you doing alright?'_

'_Yeah Margaret, I am good. I am still trying to get used to this life again but I am finding it very difficult. Especially doing it alone.'_

'_I thought you were living with your dad'_

'_I am, he just doesn't understand though. I need somebody who knows what it was like over there. A need a very good friend here by my side who does know.'_

Changing the subject Margaret asked '_you talk to anybody else?'_

'_I talk to the colonel and B.J lot's'_

'_That's good' _

'_How about you? You ever talk to anybody _else' he pretty much knew the answer, he always asked if anybody had heard from her.

'_No actually, you're the first'_ Margaret laughed nervously. _'Listen I have to go Hawkeye'_

'_Awe can't you talk for a while' _he joked, but really wished.

'_Bye hawk, I miss you._' And the line went dead. He was sad she hung up on him, but so thrilled she called him.

Margaret put the phone down slowly.

'_Why did you do that_!' her sister practically yelled at her.

'_I-I don't Know I was nervous' _she deeply regretted hanging up on him but she had to before she tore herself in half with heartbreak. His voice made her heart race but she was sad because she wasn't there.

'_Why didn't you tell him'_ she plopped herself down beside Margaret again.

'_Because it's complicated'_

'_How is it complicated, you love him he loves you. That simple'_

'_What makes you think that he loves me'_ Margaret was taken aback by her sister's words.

'_Just trust me Margaret'_

Margaret heaved a sigh '_Liz you don't get it'_

'_Then make me get it, help me understand.'_

She heaved another sigh and began to tell the very long detailed story of her and Hawkeye. She regaled all the moments, memories happy or sad. She told her every single detail. That took her well into the next morning.

_A/N so that is chapter 1. I always say this and always write new stories but I want to stick with this one. I have written up rough drafts of more chapters._


End file.
